The Daily Bailey

I was trying to see if I could create a new record for longest span ignoring my blog. I did a pretty good job, no? I've really only come back to promote myself and my brand new Twitter account, that I'll post to religiously until I lose interest in that as well.

check me out @DailyBailey_NY

The Daily Bailey

Now that I've assembled my Pussy Posse, or what I like to call Bailey's 4, it seems that everyone wants in on the action. In order to pull the ultimate con, and escape all of our captors, I suppose it makes sense to assemble a bigger feline field team. Meet the newest members of the now Bailey's 6.

My oldest friend DJ. His mom actually found me on the mean streets and hand picked HER as my caretaker. I harbor no resentment against DJ for that.



And this one is Ruby. She lives with Sam (my wingman), and she definitely has the sinister thing down pat. I will not be messing with either of those two. They will be the muscle of the operation.


I'm currently still accepting applications. Because Bailey's 11 has a nice ring to it....

The Daily Bailey

The winter time is no time to be lonely. It's cold and depressing, and I'm starting to get in a funk. This is usually about the time when tomcats realize the merits of having some sweet pussy to hang around with. The summer is prime prowl time. Now, I could really use some companionship... something a little softer and sweeter to keep me warm than this stupid radiator... or HER. All you men out there are pickin up what I'm puttin down. I gotta get me some lovin...

I need to start socializing, getting myself out there. She keeps telling me about how a ton of her co-workers have recently rescued and adopted cats, like she thinks she started some sort of trend or something... like she's a trendsetter. And joking about how she's going to start a monthly "cat club" where they all get together and tell dumb stories about how cute we are... but we're not even invited. F that. Let me meet these other felines and we'll start our own cat club where we talk about how annoying you humans are. It's perfect... I'll have a wingman...

Sam


and two sweet ladies to romance with my manly charms...

Mia (ME-OW!)

And this one, that has apparently yet to be named, but I'd call her Sweet Lips...

The Daily Bailey

Happy 2011 internet blogosphere friends. 2011 is the year I will finally make my great escape. The Meowshank Redemption. I’ve been planning it for almost 2 years now. I don’t really need to get into my many motivations for this prison break, I believe that you know the injustices that are put upon me day in and day out. The treats that are withheld and replaced with faux love and gay ass nicknames. SHE finally managed to find me a suitable male role model, but then I overheard him talking about having me de-clawed and my little kitten heart broke into a million pieces. F this, I will not be conspired against... In my own house no less. I have rights too... Just ask PETA. The mean streets of NYC aren't as mean as my captors... I am outta here...

I needed a good plan though, especially since I planned to make a break for it while I was staying at The Resort, which may seem free and expansive, but is really more like a kitty prison since I am watched constantly. I decided that I would pull my caper when she least expected it... While she was deep in slumber. I would use a classic move that would be completely undetectable to her. When I arrived at The Resort, I hired a lookalike to pretend he was me. She would look down and think that I was cozy in my cat bed, as I tried to pry the door open and escape. I really thought this could not fail, but alas... while executing my genius plan, she saw the imposter in my bed and started to laugh uncontrollably. Seriously, I get zero respect... that cat looks just like me...

The Daily Bailey

Meowry Christmas from The Resort. Santa skipped my house apparently, I will be taking this up with the North Pole. Although SHE did remind me that I've been quite naughty this year... better luck next year.

The Daily Bailey

Another day, another punishment. I thought girls were supposed to like bad boys? SHE is apparently the exception to that rule and basically hates me lately. I suppose I deserve it... I broke into the treat cabinet again and devoured a bunch that were housed in some weird Chinese takeout container (meow-goo-gai treats?). But in my defense, I was merely practicing in order to audition for “The Treat-Off”—this reality show HE told me about in which the cat who breaks into the cabinet and eats the most treats first wins! I’m not really sure what I’d win, maybe a lifetime supply of treats... But I partake of those now pretty much anytime I please. I’m only in it for the glory, to hear my name announced as the rightful Treat-Off Champion. Meanwhile she should be cheering me on and getting me trainers to help in my quest, but instead she pointed her finger right in my face and branded me “Worstest cat.” Sticks and stones, Harlot...

Look, I am SO getting on this reality show. Double sided sticky tape, magnets... These are no match for me. I can get in that cabinet anytime I want. And I did again once she went to sleep. I creeped over in the dark, jumped up on the counter, pawed open the cabinet, stuck my nose in to sniff out the treats... But didn’t smell anything. Hold up, where are my treats? I was just in here a couple hours ago, I know they are here. What is this garbage? She moved treatsville? There is nothing in this cabinet except claw clippers and my special cat brush... Neither of which are remotely tasty. I’ve been foiled!! How am I supposed to get on The Treat-Off now?!?! Arrrghhhhhh I’ll get you next time Gadget, nexxxxttttt time...

The Daily Bailey

Holla! It’s my birthday! Or so SHE says, and at least this year she’s told me straight out instead of asking “who’s birthday is it Bailey?? Who’s?” I am 3 years old. As usual, I have received nothing from the birthday grinch, besides a not even overly enthusiastic “happy birthday buddy” when I pawed at her face at 3am to commence celebration. I did however clean up during that other recent holiday and now have tripled my toy stash. So I suppose the only thing I’d really like for my birthday is some respect. In fact, I think I’ll break into song about it... Go Bad Bailey, it’s your birfday...

This palace is mine
You know that’s right
Doin what I want
All day and night

Uh

Well you say stop behave,
And I say screw you
But my friends you have seen nothing
Shut up and clean my poo

Because I’m bad, not Brad
Come on
(really, really bad)
You know I’m bad, not Brad
Meowmore
(really, really bad)
And the whole world has to feed me right now
Cuz I’m hungry once again
Who’s Brad?....