Ghosts of Jessica's past - guest writer

I figured that just one account of possibly the most awkward night of my life might not be enough to allow you to understand how truly awful it was.  So I commissioned my friend Meredith (actually she happily volunteered, in between laughing at my misfortune... cold man, cold) to document from an outsider's point of view the events of that fateful (ie, shitastic) evening.  Names have been changed to protect the people I wouldn't mind not running into again... 

Ghosts of Jessica's past

I recently went on a ghost tour of old homes in Cape May.   When the 90-year old tour guide took us in one of the “haunted” houses, I couldn’t help but laugh and mock the others who truly believed they could feel the ghost of the house dog walk by them on the stairs.  I don’t believe in ghosts, or should I say, I didn’t believe in ghosts until I spent a night in a Shiva house with Jessica.

Jessica had three ghosts visit her that night – one being that of her former “best friend with benefits” who tracked us down in our hiding spot at the cookie table (who would ever look for us there?).  He kindly asked about her family, her job, and her thoughts on his leaving for his bachelor party that coming Thursday.  Jessica avoided sharing her thoughts on his bachelor party, but she did manage to share her thoughts on the legal use of shotguns in NYC as I stood directly between the two and our friend Jaime chanted awwwkward time and time again.  Classic.

This ghost of Jessica’s past had barely returned to heaven, or wherever it is that ghosts go when they decide to stop haunting the living, when Jaime’s aunt yelled across the room “Jaime – guess what!  The ‘Smiths’ are here”!  She shouted with such zealousness one would have thought the Obamas had come to join the minion.   Well, the “Smiths” just happened to be the parents of Jessica’s high school boyfriend.  Ghosts two and three.  Fabulous.

Jessica managed to avoid the Smiths for quite a bit of time, but when Mrs. Smith finally tracked her down (no – not at the cookie table this time), she asked about her family, her job, and then loudly stated “I’m sure you heard, our son is getting married”.  Yes Jaime – this was once again awwwkward.

I think it would do me good to return to Cape May and visit that house again.  Maybe now that I am a believer I too will feel the dog run by me and brush up against my leg.  If anything could change this non-believer, it was a night of Jewish mourning with Jessica and her past.