The Daily Bailey

I’ve never been to church. Really I’ve never been anywhere besides the Palace, Palace 2.0, the vet, and the Resort. I don’t get out much anymore, it’s disappointing. I’m not even sure if church is the place I should be going... If I want to talk to God. I just assumed that my religion was CATholicism... But last year when Christmas rolled around and I desperately searched for a tree to bat ornaments off of, I was told we don’t do that. Confusion set in. I am Jewish? Is this why all of a sudden I’m being called Bailey Avraham, and HE is trying to put some little hat that looks like a frisbee on my head? Look, I don’t care what I am... I just wanted to have a minute with God to confess my sins. I did a bad, bad thing.

A couple of weeks ago when HE was being all babyish laying around with his gimpy ankle, I kinda felt bad. I know it may not have seemed that way from my scathing review of the whole situation, but there was a smidge of pity in my heart. He always gives me craploads of treats, styles me with the most up-to-date and relevant fur-do’s... Like the fauxhawk, and generally doesn’t tell HER all of the bad things I do. So as I sat there making fun of him relentlessly, I thought to myself... Too bad this didn’t happen to her instead. AND THEN IT DID. Ooopsies, did I do that??? The other day was complete deja vu, except the pussy icing an ankle was her instead of him. I really think this is somehow cosmically my fault and I was starting to feel really guilty until he said something about “falling over her own teammate.” God, what a dumbass. Pray for her.