skip to main |
skip to sidebar
We joked last year that we should all apply for truck driver licenses, however I think this year we should just be awarded them. We certainly earned it. I volunteered to captain the first leg of the journey home and ended up with the hazards on going 45 mph in blinding rain while Jay and Meredith slept. What I was doing could have more likely been categorized as boating not driving. Then Meredith took over the driving in stop and go traffic and ended up slamming on the brakes causing Jay, who was sprawled across the back seat, to go flying into the back of our seats. Nothing was funny about that, however for some reason we could not stop laughing. The kind of laughing that is actually painful. He wasn’t moving, just moaning and giggling for 25 minutes while tears flowed down my face. After all of this excitement and completing 12 hours on the road I’m not sure why between 3 decently smart individuals, nobody bothered to suggest stopping at a hotel to sleep, but we didn’t...
I can now say that I’ve slept in a car on the side of the road. Although not much sleeping went on for me because it was so cold in the car, I was literally shaking. I suppose now I know what it’s like to be a homeless person, or at least a slightly sophisticated homeless person who has a car but is dumb enough to think it’s a great idea to drive straight from Florida to New Jersey. Meredith and I were so overtired and basically looked how you’d expect a person would look after spending 22 hours straight in a car... Like the grim reaper. At a rest stop we caught our reflection in the bathroom mirror and stopped, horrified. Not even a tan could help us in that situation. Finally we arrived in New Jersey at 8am to find 20 degrees and snow. I was seriously contemplating turning around and going back... immediately. Well maybe after a nap... or a hibernation...
We’ve finally arrived in Ft. Myers. The trip never seems quite so bad in hindsight once we get here, but jesus that took forever. It definitely would have been faster to fly, but at least I can trust that Meredith nor Jay will attempt to blow up our car. It was nice however to get a good night’s sleep in a big fluffy bed and a real cup of coffee. The bed at Meredith’s dad's is amazing. Much more comfortable than the Comfort Inn. I have dubbed this the new Comfort Inn, and the Comfort Inn is now the Uncomfort Inn. The complete opposite of comfort.
Meanwhile Jay has been trying for days to log into Facebook to access someone’s email address, but had forgotten his password. Finally this morning he had a successful attempt and can see what the rest of the world has been doing for the past 6 months. He proclaims that it’s scary when girls you used to know contact you on Facebook after years. “Why are they contacting me? Do I have a kid out there somewhere? This chick has a picture of her and her baby. Does that baby look like me? I have like 15 friend requests, who are these people? Did I sleep with her?”
I really don’t even know what else to write after that...
To say that no planning goes into the Road Trips I suppose is a bit of a stretch. I researched cool cities to stop or attractions on the route. This year the stops were Hilton Head Island, SC and Brunswick, GA and the Golden Isles. Of course, because of the car debacle and the fact that Jesus wasn’t born until the 25th, Hilton Head was not meant to be. I am fairly confident it will still be there for me to visit another time, so I wasn’t that upset. We did however decide to check out the working lighthouse I found in St. Simons Island, GA. Apparently you can climb to the top of this puppy, which is 104 ft in altitude... Up a narrow and windy staircase. So, we did. Me with my 4 inch heeled boots, claustrophobia and the fact that I fully forgot to bring any deodorant on this road trip. Once at the top, after my harrowing climb, we attempted to take photos of the 3 of us and Jay bobbled my camera and almost dropped it 104 ft to its doom which would have gone over superbly with my father considering the camera is 4 days old and my camera ruining track record. Luckily, he recovered in time to have not been the next thing to take a flight off of the lighthouse.
And he lived on to consume the “grande meal” at Taco Bell. The one people probably order for a family of 4. The best thing about going on vacation with Jay, is that no matter how badly I pig out, he will ALWAYS eat more than me. Therefore I don’t have to feel badly about myself as I stuff my craw with 3 soft tacos. I can look over, see him double fisting his 10 tacos, and almost not want to go into the bathroom and throw up. Almost.
The truck driver road trips are notorious for having somewhere between loose to no plan whatsoever. We typically just start driving and worry about stops and stayovers en route. However, when you have what amounts to no plan to begin with, it’s difficult to have a contingency plan as well. So when faced with the fact that Meredith’s car had been in the shop for what seemed like as long as I could remember and would not be ready in time for Road Trip 09, we were forced to scramble. 27 hours on a train? A flight that could cost as much as one to the moon? Squeeze into Jay’s Infiniti 2-door? Hitch hike? Walk? We were in full on emergency mode...
The contingency plan is as following:
What: Road Trip 09 v.2.0
Who: Meredith, Jay, Jessica (the truck driver reunion)
Where: NJ ---> FL then back again
When: Friday December 25 (after Jay sees Santa)
How: Automobile (Jay’s mom was nice enough to lend us her car)
We met at the Cheesequake rest stop on the Garden State Parkway, took pictures of each other taking pictures of each other in the car, then drove around in circles trying to figure out where we’re going. Um, South? It’s Christmas day at 2:38 pm, we are still in NJ. Are we there yet?
We drove for hours in the fog and pouring rain and could have gotten off the exit and been in Oz for all I would’ve known since we couldn’t see 100 feet in front of the car. Meredith and I had eaten about 400 cookies, Skittles, and a bag of Cheetos and listened to “Empire State of Mind” and “Already Gone” 400 times. As much as I love Kelly Clarkson, I was really starting to wish that song was already gone. After we introduced Jay to the Jewish Christmas of Chinese food by stumbling upon what was probably the only Chinese restaurant in Virginia, Meredith decided that she was in a food coma and needed the car to be 90 degrees. Everyone fell asleep and I was stuck driving in a sauna listening to ghetto rap music, because I could barely see the lines on the road let alone try to change the radio or turn off the heat. Finally at 3am after Jay pounded some caffeinated sludge, we stopped at the Comfort Inn in South Carolina which is ironic because the sound of someone vacuuming at 4am is not something that adds to my comfort. Seriously are we there yet?
