Musical Quickies: Brit, Josh and Bing

I hear Brit Brit is 11 weeks preggers with her gold digging husband's third addition to the world. Hey, this is just what I hear. You know, those really reliable internet sources... someone who knows someone at NBC, who knows B's bodyguards, who just saw a unicorn getting off a UFO... maybe it is true. Personally I hope she names the thing Cheeto Spears Federline. Awesome.

So also in the world of weird, I've decided that I have a secret crush on Josh Groban. I know... don't ask, I fell in love with his new song... and him. We cannot get married though because my father hates him, so I don't really see it going anywhere.

We really need to look into bringing back the movie musical. My all time favorite Holiday movie was on last night, "White Christmas" with Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney... classic. Great flick.

One lucky soldier... Part 2

My first package to my soldier in Iraq will go out this week, hopefully in time for the holidays! We're sending little things like magazines, gum, chapsticks... just trinket light weight objects because I still don't know if it's a man or a woman. If there is anything any of you want to include and you could get it to me, feel free! Otherwise if you'd like to send holiday wishes, email them to me and I can print them out and include them in the package! Thanks guys, this means a lot to me... but even more to them!

Sports Corner

In Cuse news... basketball cruised easily past Colgate this weekend, next game Tuesday vs. Oklahoma State. And football, well get excited people, we're going to the Champs Sports Bowl December 21! Is that like the Foot Locker Bowl? Nothing like the prestige of the sporting good store bowl...

Orange blooded Donovan McNabb making more records this week! McNabb-Owens... what dreams are made of. Do I smell Super Bowl? Giants fans just took out a hit on me... look I'm sorry guys, I didn't make them suck...

Jets had a win, Giants... ugh I can't even muster up the energy to comment without gagging, they are a total DNR (do not resuscitate).

Pairs Finals

Protest and ye shall accomplish. At least that's what they told themselves in Ukraine... The Ukraine? Ukraine? Who knows. Yushchenko and Yanukovych, who happen to both be named Viktor with a K, which is not surprising when there are really only two names to choose from over there... that or Sergei. I'm sorry but when I hear their names, they sound so much like a figure skating pairs team that I cannot keep from laughing! Well they're getting a new vote... courtesy of the Supreme Court of Ukraine The Ukraine. Must have been really riveting evidence presented since this judge looks like he's falling asleep. What? OH yes, yes... um 8.5 for technical merit, Yushchenko dropped Yanukovych on the double pam-chenko twist...

Copy Queen

So I'm moving up in the world! When our website is down this weekend for like 5 minutes, the message clients will see was written by none other than MOI! It's my first big copy writing gig! Unfortunately some of the ones I thought were winners were not chosen like...

It's the weekend, why are you working? It's okay, we understand. We're
working too to bring you a faster www.comstock.com! Who wouldn’t want to get their work done faster?

OR

On the highway, you’d get a ticket. But this isn’t any normal highway, it’s the information highway, and here speed = better! Come back and cruise with us on the new faster www.comstock.com.

Well... they chose this one... regardless it is still my copy and I'm pretty psyched! Even though in this post you'd need a magnifying glass to comprehend what it says... just trust me, I wrote it... happy squinting...

Sports Corner

Disclaimer: Warning all girly-girls... from now until the first week in April when the NCAA tourney is over, you can just ignore these posts... OR you can steal my witty sports banter and impress your boyfriends, your choice.

And down goes Wake. #5, or #3 depending on which poll you're looking at, Illinois showed #1 WF how easy it is to fall from the top. Not a very impressive showing by Wake.

Another #5 or #3 closer to my own heart, and conveniently also Orange, kicked some St. Whoever butt. Moving on to 6-0, next game Saturday against Colgate. Who loves you Gerry baby??

And in related Yankee news... the Diamondbacks are out of their minds and getting WAY too much sun if they think we're going to trade our whole freaking team for Randy Johnson who's grasping the edge of the hill trying not to fall over. Why didn't they just come out and ask for Jeter and like 80 million? Might as well go for the gusto!

Jason Giambi used steroids? You're kidding me? And I thought common sense was dead...

What's on my iPod?

Jess: i won't describe to you how long it took me to figure out how to put the music on this stoopid contraption
Jess: besides the whole Korean thing...
Jess: <~~~ only me
Mara: well its hard to work something when u cant understand the language
Mara: Korean, not my thing
Jess: damn shame, I could have used you last night to translate

What I'm listening and singing along to REALLY loudly in my office right now...

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna taste your salt water kisses?
Who's gonna take the place of me?

Name that song and artist! More updates from iPod land later...

Quickies

Syracuse Basketball moved up in this week's AP poll to number 3!! That is something to brag about... so I will! Our football team also happened to kick BC's behind right out of the Big East Saturday, so who knows, maybe we have a shot of going to a toilet bowl after all!

Bush wrapping up his visit to one of the other country's that also happens to share his continent, met some hostility but went on to thank "those Canadians who turned out to wave 'with all five fingers' during his first official visit." HA! Come on, which comedian wrote that line for him, surely he didn't think that up all by himself...

I got my new toy of the month yesterday... iPod, oh baby. Cept, somehow I am unaware of, I managed to make the menu show up in some kind of Korean or Japanese. Then I had to read the entire handbook figuring out how to make it revert to English, which to be honest... it shouldn't have told me because if you're that stupid, you should have to learn how to speak Japanese in order to use it.

Deep thought of the Day

"Isn't it discourging that it takes so much effort and physical exertion to exercise, yet so little to shove a donut down your throat..."

Nicole: although it takes even LESS effort to shove a munchkin down there
Jess: or 3, or 4
Nicole: since it's a similar shape as your esophogus
Jess: or 40
Jess: i really like munchkins
Nicole: me too
Nicole: i really really like them
Nicole: the glazed, those are my favorite
Jess: oooh chocolate glazed are good too
Nicole: the powdered ones make me sneeze
Nicole: and breathe funny
Jess: powdered ones are subpar
Jess: those are the ones you eat if none of the good ones are left
Nicole: agreed
Nicole: wholeheartedly agree

Today's thought has been brought to you by NYSC, reminding you that Dunkin Donuts is a cult...

Caption Me

Let's play another rousing game of "Caption Me"... or rather I'll play, since nobody else seems the least bit interested lately... which is fine, don't worry I'm not bitter. As long as I'm having fun... I guess that's all that matters! I will only post 2 of my own comments this time, in order to not steal anyone's thoughts... and come on, this is an easy one... Bush bashing is like breathing to most of us...



"Very, very bad man"

"look guys!, look what I found in my nose!"

One lucky soldier...

Guess what??? I just signed up to write to a soldier in Iraq!! How fun is that! I really am SO very excited! When I was in elementary school, my whole class wrote to soldiers in Desert Storm and I was the only one who received a letter back... so when I heard on the radio that Manhattanville college had set up a program called "My Soldier", I decided this was a GREAT idea! If anyone wants more information on the program to write to a soldier of their own, let me know... otherwise you are more than welcome to include letters, well wishes, or small gifts to my soldier! As soon as I get their information, you'll be the first to know!

1904

I just got this forward about the year 1904, a mere 100 years ago.

In 1904 the average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year. Excuse me? You could easily blow that in one night in NYC. One bottle of Asbolut for the table at Le Snooty Patooty... and you'd blow your whole year's salary!

In 1904 most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo. Holy bejesus! I dyed my hair dark reddish brown a few weeks ago, but I used stuff that says it will wash out in 28-30 shampoos... ya know, just in case I didn't like it. Well I did like it, a lot. So I tried to not wash my hair everyday so that I wouldn't have to see the pink water going down the drain and be sad. BUT by day two... I looked like a Puerto Rican and my brother was calling me Guadalupe Fernandez.

In 1904 the five leading causes of death in the US were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

... there was a time when you could die from diarrhea?? That is just mind boggling.

In 1904 Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." So not only could you die from diarrhea, but in fact Heroin seemed to be a likely cure. Is anyone else still trying to fathom this??

Mary, will you Mary me?

The Bachelor is definitely one of the gayest shows on television, yet I can't stop watching it! It's like watching a train wreck. This time however I couldn't be happier that Mary got her man... her fisherman, Byron... one of the country's most eligible bachelors?? I'd love to know what exactly ABC's qualifications are for having that status. Who knew Byron even existed before this show, let alone how eligible he was! Well, YAY Mary! Let's hope it lasts so we don't have to see her come back a third time...

Be Thankful

Today is the annual Thanksgiving pot luck lunch here at Cum-stock. The first year when I'd only been working for a month and actually liked it here because I didn't know any better, I baked some kind of chocolate chip cookie bar concoction. Last year I brought napkins, and this year I wanted to bring grenades, but sadly that wasn't on the list and the napkins and other paper goods were already taken... so I brought supermarket macaroni salad. Hey, just be thankful I didn't bring arsenic apple pie or ricin rice pilaf. Hope everyone has a lovely Thanksgiving!

Caption Me... or I'll Pee

"gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now, gotta go..."

"I don't really care that you're Britney Spears, I was here first... you're a dancer, do the pee pee dance... you are NOT cutting me skank"

"KEVIN!! I thought you said gonorrhea wasn't contagious..."

"Man that red bull sure goes right through me"

Come on guys, this is an easy one...

Oh it's just too easy...

Bushie was busy this weekend taking on many different personas. First we see him here playing dress up with Putin, disguised as a Mexican Cucaracha singer. All he needs are some maracas and the frock will be complete.
Putin: Hurry up and take these photos already this thing is itchy. Maybe if I put my head down people won't be able to tell it's me.
Bush: This looks like the smock I wear when it's finger painting time in the oval office! Wait... is that a bird? Fly, fly little bird. Oh how cute...
Guy behind them: Suckers!


Next here he is playing macho man, sacrificing himself for the sake of his secret service bodyguard. Aren't they supposed to be protecting him from that sort of thing? Guarantee he was whining and screaming "Give me him, he's mine! Give him to me or you'll be sorry... do you know who my dad is??" Who knew he was so confrontational! They could use him in Fallujah... hell, they could've used him in Auburn Hills...

And it just took me 35 minutes to figure out how to post more than one picture in one post... excellent use of company time if I do say so myself...

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a brawler

Ok I hate to have to tell you this, but I've spent the last 10 minutes of my life watching online videos of the Indiana-Detroit fight. Let's see, they have the "raw fight footage" and then the "unedited fight scenes"... I seem to only be missing the special 2 disc collector's edition director's cut with deleted scenes, player interviews and outtakes? I only have one question, well besides why anyone would pay like $6 for a beer and throw it on a player instead of drinking it...? What happened to all the security? They didn't seem to have a problem bringing cops in riot gear onto the field during the Yankee game... I mean really. I bet you I know what happened, the fan told Artest that the rap album sucked, so Artest pounded him... way to be gansta brotha... now you'll have the rest of the season to promote away... scumbag

Racking up the wins

And just like that... we have our first tournament title!! We won the Coaches vs Cancer classic Friday night! Look at my Gerry, how cute is he!! We're on our way...

General Mills, we need to talk...

Boy would I hate to have been the unlucky woman who had to respond to my ridiculous complaints about their below average Clam Sauce product... But here is her response in it's entirety...

Thank you for contacting Progresso regarding your disappointment with our product. Our goal is to give consumers quality products at a good value. Prior to introducing any product, extensive consumer testing is done. Each product must receive a high rating in our testing program before it goes on the market. We will pass your comments along to our product team.

Unfortunately, there would not be a way for you to purchase the product prior to reformulation. You may need to keep looking at your local grocery store.

We are eager to regain your goodwill and hope you will give us another opportunity to serve you. Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,
Amy Metzger
General Mills
Consumer Services

Listen Amy... I don't know what kind of second rate testing program you're running here, but clearly someone with ACTUAL taste buds should have been on the panel. You may not have my goodwill... I'm buying the generic...

Calling all troops

Ok people we have to mobilize here! I have a huge problem and I need your help! I have taken a liking to Progresso White Clam sauce, but now they have come out with a "new and improved" version... and let me warn you, it is new, but definitely not improved. I hate it. Tastes like crap. Bluch. Vomit. So I've been trying to buy all of the old cans before all the new ones hit the shelves, like a squirrel stocking up for winter. This is a crusade people! My stash is depleting... HELP! If you see these un-new cans, you must alert me immediately! Do not give them to canned food drives for Thanksgiving... GIVE THEM TO ME!! You can also call this customer service number for Progresso and tell them you hate the new sauce and it should be recalled immediately... 1-800-248-7310 between (7:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. CT, weekdays)! Knew I could count on you guys!...