Death of a saleswoman

There are some jobs that I am definitely not cut out for. I could never be anyone’s assistant. I have no interest in picking up my own dry cleaning or kissing my own ass, let alone someone else’s. Nor could I ever be a waitress. Seriously, could you imagine me as your waitress? My mouth would very quickly run out of spit and I would easily set the world record for person who made the least amount of tips. Unfortunately it seems that I am not destined to be a salesperson either. A friend of mine recently started consulting part-time for a company so I volunteered to do a “book show” and try to help her sell some of the product. How hard could this be? I’m charming... Sometimes. It wasn't like the product was knives or some kind of useless voodoo organic herbal cold remedy, it was jewelry. What female person doesn't like jewelry? Basically this shit should sell itself. I most likely need to put in zero effort. Should be a breeze!

Uh... Only I could screw up a sure thing like this. I'd probably have an easier time selling girl scout cookies or tupperware. I've done everything possible, most likely alienating all of my co-workers along the way, to try and sell this jewelry... Stopping just short of simply buying it all myself. What am I doing wrong? I have had over a month to do this. I’ve sent out a couple emails, I’ve talked it up to people, I’ve brought in the jewelry for people to touch, I’ve smiled, I’ve modeled the pieces, I’ve offered to personally gift wrap any holiday purchases, I’ve even cornered them and tried the poor me I suck at this please make a purchase out of sincere sympathy for my patheticness as a saleswoman. Nothing has worked. I do not understand! How could I possibly be a failure at selling jewelry to a bunch of girls?...at holiday time!? Hate to see how I’d perform at taking candy from a baby...