Reality Bites

Of course I watched the Oscars last night. And the pre-shows. How could one not? The constant curiosity regarding whether some celebrity would show up wearing something intensely insane (I’m talking to you Sophia Loren), or that someone would get accosted by Gary Busey would be too much to take. However looking back on it, I expended almost 6 hours of my life on complete nonsense. I could probably use a stronger word to describe those horrendous musical numbers, but we’ll leave it at nonsense for now. It’s always fun to watch and fantasize about being glamorous, talking to Ryan Seacrest, rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous, or wearing the ginormous, sparkly, orgasmic diamond earrings that Natalie Portman had (lord, have mercy), but we need to face it, it’s not real life. In real life, Brad and Angelina are elitist douchebags, if I had those earrings there’s a good chance I’d be mugged on the subway, and I had to come to work today, at my desk... Which does not come with a posh trailer, crudité platter or love scene with Clive Owen. Trust me, reality kills fantasy 99.9% of the time...

That’s why I find celebrity “Crushes” so interesting. And I’m not talking about the fact that I find Josh Duhamel extremely attractive. I mean crushes that border on obsession. I cannot imagine sitting at my desk daydreaming about and cyber fan site stalking some guy I’ll never meet. I definitely did though... When I was 16. I probably cut out every photograph of Keanu Reeves in celebrity magazines from fifty countries and made an amazing collage on the back of my bedroom door. It really was quite a sight. And after all of my adoration, for some reason, Keanu and I did not fall in love and get married at a castle. Wonder why that was?? Luckily, I’m over it and choose to focus on reality these days. There are plenty of celebrities, that trust me, if they showed up on my doorstep... I couldn’t be responsible for my actions (see photo above, and yes, he is fully smirking at me because we're in love). But, I’d much rather fantasize about those earrings and leave Hugh Jackman and George Clooney in the reality they belong in... Which will sadly never be mine...