Top Ten

Man tries to steal laptop to check Facebook

Top ten reasons why this is a great headline:

10) Wow, way to take obsession to a whole new level.

9) I suppose one might be inclined to stoop to this had they no way to be on Facebook 24/7 (ie, home computer, work computer, or blackberry)... And by “one”, I mean me.

8) Looks like someone got a sudden, uncontrollable urge to “poke”

7) He stole the laptop and ran out of Starbucks. But the free Wi-fi connection only works IN Starbucks... Genius plan, really.

6) If you are caught stealing someone’s laptop, maybe attempt to come up with a more sympathetic excuse besides that you desperately needed to stalk your ex.

5) Must check breaking news? The state of the economy? Work e-mail? Nope, the utter importance and time sensitive matter of who took the which Sex and the City character are you quiz.

4) Oh please, please release his name so I can see what is so intensely urgent on his profile.

3) I guess it was his turn in Scramble.

2) Jessica is now friends with Laptop Stealer via the People you definitely do not want to know Tool.

And the number 1 reason this is a great headline...

1) I’ve always wanted to update my status to say, “I just stole someone’s laptop from Starbucks.” In fact, I think I will do that right now.