The Daily Bailey

As I sit here typing to you fine people, I am pondering the meaning of “curiosity killed the cat.” I’ve heard the saying of course, but I really don’t believe it. I think it’s simply a glorified cat scare tactic. I mean I suppose I almost did light myself on fire once, but that’s nothing that a little child wouldn’t do also (I heard her talking about putting child locks on the stove). Why do I get so much crap for it? I like to explore. Deal with it. And there isn’t much to explore in the palace that I live in. I’ve been under the bed. It’s just okay. It’s dark and full of plastic boxes containing even more clothing than is in the closets that I am not allowed to explore. I’ve been on top of the refrigerator, in the refrigerator, and in the shower. But I’d never been behind the television! Every time I climb on top of the tv I get screamed at or sprayed with water. But Saturday morning at 7am, while SHE was sleeping, I managed to successfully get back there and let me tell you... It’s amazing. It’s like my own little fort! Fort Bailey. The Fort of Bailey. I like the way that sounds. There are cool wires back there! And SO much dust! I love it back there! I am going to stay back there forever... Shit, I’ve been found out...

Now I am definitely in trouble. SHE looks mad... And slightly panicked that I am stuck back here. She keeps calling my name in angrier sounding voices, but I really don’t want to leave my fort. So she starts shaking my favorite toy and it’s making that bell sound... And I might be caving... Nooo, I am staying. Then, ohh, uh oh, I hear my treats coming out of the cabinet!! Okay you win wench! Here I come!!! What? No treats and she’s going back to bed?? Damn, she fooled me. I am SO going back into my fort, the hell with you. So back I go, and again I hear my treats... And again I fall for it, vacating my fort and leaving it wide open to enemy attack. I am such a sucker. My fort was attacked! When I try to sneak back in, I see there’s a blockade at the entrance. What the hell is this? What am I supposed to do now? I guess I’ll just kill and try to eat this bug I found by the front door. Hey! Where are you taking my bug?? What do you mean “we don’t eat bugs”??? Ugh, she takes away all of my fun...