Top Ten

New tool to fight syphilis? Wal-Mart gift cards

Top Ten reasons why this is a great headline:

10) I’ve never been to a Wal-Mart in North Carolina, and I wouldn’t do it even for a $50 gift card.

9) As if just being sure you did not have syphilis wasn’t enough of a reward.

8) Do you have to test positive to receive the card? Because I could really use $10.

7) This would only work in the South. In NY, it’d have to be a helluva lot more alluring of an offering. Like VIP access to the exclusive sample sales. Women would be lining up around the corner to get tested.

6) Get tested for the syph to get $10 toward the new Miley Cyrus Wal-Mart exclusive album. Now we’re talkin...

5) Simply because it came along with the above photo in which pictures of girls with STD’s were posted on a wall for everyone to see. We need to bring that back... And yes it looks suspiciously like my sorority composite, but we were SDT not STD. Get it right.

4) This whole financial incentive thing is really getting out of hand. Next it’ll be Cash for Chlamydia...

3) So the gift cards fight the syphilis. That sounds painful doc... Can’t I just get a cream or something.

2) Whitney Houston is pissed that the syph is trying to steal her comeback spotlight. And I think Kanye is going to say something about it. (sorry, I had to)

And the number 1 reason this is a great headline...

1) I wonder how Wal-Mart feels about being pimped as an incentive for venereal disease testing? Oh that’s right Wal-Mart had no comment because they don’t care. Wal-Mart is a whore. Wal-Mart probably already has the syph.