The Daily Bailey

Ahhh where does the time go? It’s almost Halloween and I have once again began to research my dress up options. Last year I was a terrorist and as much fun as that was, I’m thinking of going with something a little less inflammatory this year. Something cutesy that everyone loves, because really, last year, I put myself in a situation to receive lots of tricks... And this year, I’m only interested in treats. “And what are you supposed to be little cat??, Oh me? I’m a suicide bomber!!! Give me all of your treats infidel!!!!” You can imagine how well that went over. And since I did have a rough year, in which I unsuccessfully attempted to take my own life, I doubt SHE'd see the humor in that costume. My initial hope was to be a CATerpillar, but I could only find stupid dragon and frog costumes, so instead, I’ve decided to now unveil my 2010 Halloween costume to the waiting masses. I'm going to be a penguin. They are black and white. I am grey and white. They have happy feet. I have four paws. We are both part of the animal kingdom. I mean this thing is precious... Who wouldn’t just melt and hand over all of their treats to an adorable little penguin? This is a foolproof plan. Good luck thinking about anything else the rest of the afternoon.

The Daily Bailey

I’ve never been to church. Really I’ve never been anywhere besides the Palace, Palace 2.0, the vet, and the Resort. I don’t get out much anymore, it’s disappointing. I’m not even sure if church is the place I should be going... If I want to talk to God. I just assumed that my religion was CATholicism... But last year when Christmas rolled around and I desperately searched for a tree to bat ornaments off of, I was told we don’t do that. Confusion set in. I am Jewish? Is this why all of a sudden I’m being called Bailey Avraham, and HE is trying to put some little hat that looks like a frisbee on my head? Look, I don’t care what I am... I just wanted to have a minute with God to confess my sins. I did a bad, bad thing.

A couple of weeks ago when HE was being all babyish laying around with his gimpy ankle, I kinda felt bad. I know it may not have seemed that way from my scathing review of the whole situation, but there was a smidge of pity in my heart. He always gives me craploads of treats, styles me with the most up-to-date and relevant fur-do’s... Like the fauxhawk, and generally doesn’t tell HER all of the bad things I do. So as I sat there making fun of him relentlessly, I thought to myself... Too bad this didn’t happen to her instead. AND THEN IT DID. Ooopsies, did I do that??? The other day was complete deja vu, except the pussy icing an ankle was her instead of him. I really think this is somehow cosmically my fault and I was starting to feel really guilty until he said something about “falling over her own teammate.” God, what a dumbass. Pray for her.

The Daily Bailey

I have received nothing but accolades on my hostile takeover of this blog. It really was a no-brainer and any attempt at pushback would have been met with a swift dismissal. I own you, blog. You belong to me-ow. Not surprisingly it seems that someone in this equation is being a bit of a sore loser and cannot handle the fact the SHE is no longer in demand, and that all the blog fans, the like 2 that she had including HIM, are now screaming my name (but I am not running to them, I don’t do that, I’m not a dog... I ignore them and it only makes them want me more). So recently, blinded by jealousy and rage, she’s decided to belittle me and tear me down through various psychological warfare techniques such as locking me out of my own room (ie, closing the bedroom door in my face) and trying to drive me crazy by magically making a red dot disappear and reappear, all the while laughing and mocking as I chase it relentlessly around the Palace.

When I see that red dot, I become a search and destroy cat killing machine. My mission: triangulate the red dot’s current location, be really stealth, sneak up behind it, POUNCE, and snuff it out. I totally thought this was a foolproof plan at the time of first deployment. There really was no way this could fail. It always works when I jump out of the darkness and attack HER leg... But apparently this red dot is indestructible. I could not capture it even with my feline speed and agility. Must. Kill. Red. Dot.

Get over here dot!

You will not escape me!!!

OOOH I GOT YOU!

Hey, get off my paw!!

This is infuriating!

But I would not give up... Until I was out of breath, needed to rest for a minute, recalculated my attack plan, and struck again. This went on for quite a while. Current status=Red dot:100, Bailey: 0. Sigh, I’m tired now, I would like to catnap in my bed... What is this?! Open this bedroom door immediately woman... Do you hear me??? Meow! MEOW!!!! Me... (sniff sniff) ow?? Cry. I'm sorry I stole your blog...