Dear John,I regret to inform you that it has come to my attention, and every other person’s since it is plastered in 20 point font as breaking news on MSNBC, that you are a cheating scumbag. Not only could you not keep it in your pants while you were attempting to run for the highest office, clearly learning nothing from those who have thought with the wrong head before you, but you also cheated on a wife who has CANCER. You are the lowest of the lowbags. You are so low, you are practically in the earth’s core. I am ashamed to admit that I donated hours of my time volunteering with your sham of a campaign. In fact, I would like my time back.
Moving forward while we all heal, I have to say, if there is anything I have learned from this situation it is that I should not doubt the truth uncovering power of The National Enquirer. There is some seriously award winning detective work being done there.
In conclusion, I hope your wife leaves you. Or better yet, I hope she kicks your scrawny ass, because she can, messes up your pretty boy hair, and then leaves you.
Good luck with the love child you claim is not yours! Clearly you are very forthcoming with the truth.
Best Regards!
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