Bailey Bailout

So I got this cat. First couple of weeks fostering him everything was dandy. He doesn’t make any noise (seriously I think I’ve heard him meow maybe 3 times), he’s generally cute and probably thrilled to be in a place where there is a never ending supply of food. As in off the mean streets. He was a stray and I am a hero. However recently I think the honeymoon may be over. Don't be fooled by his adorableness... he’s become quite comfortable in my apartment and has proceeded to entangle himself in some very annoying acts of mischief lately. Yesterday he made his way to the top of the refrigerator and managed to knock over the $50 automatic feeder I was storing there, which came crashing to the floor, and was found by me, after my long work day in a million pieces. He also has decided that my leather chair is his new scratching post and it is now sporting some really awesome holes all over the top. At this point he is one strike away from getting the BOOT. I mean listen here mr. kitty... You are still a guest in my apartment, I haven’t technically adopted you yet... Maybe you could try to be on your best behavior, at least until I sign my life away...

Partly I know this is my fault. He’s a cat. They like to climb, explore, and scratch shit. I shouldn’t leave things out that could be broken and I should man up and clip his claws even though I am PETRIFIED. I’ve done a lot of research on this lately and all of the websites make this extremely daunting task sound like a breeze.

Supplies:
-Nail clippers
-Bath towel
-Delicious treats
-Cat
-Assistant (optional but VERY helpful)

Oh really? I need a cat to do this procedure? Probably substantially easier without one though...

Instructions:
1) Wrap cat in towel so only his head is sticking out.

OH right. Ok. And at step 1 we’re already going to have a problem. I am SO sure he’s going to love that. Then what?

2) Remove one front paw from towel
3) Give cat a treat
4) Gently apply pressure at the base of the cat's toes to push the claws out

Number 3 I can handle. The rest of this sounds slightly hazardous. Can’t I just subdue him with some Diprivan? I think I’m going to need some of those wire mesh gloves people wear when they’re handling hawks... I really don’t see this ending well...