LOST

Often I lose things. Like my mind or my temper, but occasionally I also lose actual things. Famously I've lost my digital camera TWICE both times at my company holiday parties, with the second time me upping my retardedly drunk ante and losing my entire purse. It was possibly one of the most helpless, worst feelings ever... And I fully drunk cried and sobered up faster than I ever have in my life. Imagine, no keys, no cell phone, no ID, no money. Nothing. But at least I most likely had a blood alcohol level of 0.25. Yippy.

Since then I have tried with all of my might not to lose my things. Most notably because the genius that I am, since then, has taken to owning extremely expensive purses. One would think that a person prone to losing things would not take this extreme risk, but I enjoy defying conventional logic. I also apparently enjoy waking up after blacking out and immediately having a severe panic attack until I see that precious red purse laying wherever I drunkenly dumped it and begin breathing again. Wonder when I will get tired of this and either stop drinking or start shopping in Kmart.

Don't worry, this year at my birthday I of course managed to lose something. It really wouldn't be an evening with me if I hadn't. It was my brand new NARS lip gloss and it cost $24. I am mourning it, but will absolutely not replace it because every time I miss it, I deserve to recall how utterly irresponsible I am with my belongings. I suck...