Clothing non-optional

I love going to the gym in the morning. It’s done, it’s out the way, it’s not crowded there, I feel very accomplished, and I only have to shower once a day. The only problem is, I’m not particularly fond of getting up at 5:30am. However, I’ve come to realize recently that the alternative is almost equally as sucky, if not more. If I go after work, I have to enter the locker room which unfortunately means I have to see nasty people prancing around in varying states of undress. I would rather see the sun come up every morning. In fact, I’d rather be close enough to the sun to have it permanently scorch my retinas so that I never have to see nasty naked locker room people again...

Good god people. I can gather that you are clearly quite comfortable with your disgusting public nudity, however I think since the rest of us are not, we need to establish some ground rules. I’ll volunteer to start.

There is no need to do certain things while completely naked, that you could easily do either fully clothed or while wearing a towel... Such as:

• weighing oneself

• rubbing lotion on oneself

• bending over

• talking on the phone

• packing up your bag

I’d like us to establish a maximum naked locker room time. I think we can fairly cap nakedness at 30 seconds, but I’m willing to be generous and allow for 1 minute total combined naked time.

I may not be a Victoria’s Secret swimsuit model so I suppose I cannot judge, however I have also never watched “The Biggest Loser” and said to myself... “Wow, I wonder what they look like naked...” and I would like to continue to be blissfully unaware... Forever...

When in any doubt about what is in good taste... cover yourself up.