The Daily Bailey

Ahh 5:30am. The wonderful time I enjoy waking up every morning and making as much noise as felinely possible. I mean, why not? Nobody else lives here. Oh... I mean, besides HER. The human rolling over, muttering my name in angry voice, and seriously contemplating spraying me with that awful wet water shit. But I can’t be bothered with that because I am too busy darting around like a lunatic, crashing into everything, eating my feather toy, and generally doing everything I am not allowed to. I will continue to do this until she eventually wakes up and feeds me, which she is intentionally prolonging since I threw up in her bed a couple days ago.

Since she’s obviously holding a grudge and none of my cute kitty faces are working, today I think I will try to kill her. She has taken all of my fun away. First when she realized I knew where my food and treats were and would jump up there and try to scratch and claw my way into the bags, she moved them into the cabinets. Next when I knocked over the garbage pail every day so I could scavenge for things to eat, she moved it under the sink. What else was there left to do? So today, I decided to burn the place down.

While she was sleeping I jumped up onto the stove and managed to turn on one of the burners. Ohhh this hot, fiery, stuff shot out and I was mesmerized. It had just started to burn one of the handles of a pot that was there, when SHE had to smell gas and come into the kitchen and shut it off. I don’t think she was that mad because she didn’t yell at me or anything. She just sorta stared at me in disbelief, said something about “we needed to talk” and how I was “in a lot of trouble.” Then she pulled off all of the knobs on the stove and kept repeating that I was “a bad cat.” I really thought that based on my behavior, maybe she’d take me in that extremely posh carry bag with her to work, or even better yet back to that big house I vacationed in a couple weekends ago!!... But alas, she left me here once again. Maybe I’ll throw up again, or figure out how to turn on the faucets... or maybe I'll save that for tomorrow...