The best tour in the city

Last summer my friend Katie and I kicked off our Adventure Initiative. The Adventure Initiative consists of touristy type activities, or just fun and new things we’ve never done before in New York. Adventure Initiative ‘07 included walking across the Brooklyn Bridge (god my feet hurt), going to Coney Island (I thought I was going to die on the Cyclone), and hitting up the famous Ferrara’s bakery in Little Italy (2 words, Carrot Cake). 2 weekends ago we kicked off Adventure Initiative ‘08 with the proposed activities to include the gay pride parade (this weekend!!), riding the Staten Island ferry, going to the Original Gray’s Papaya location, and one of those classic NYC touristy bus tours. However I was stunned and appalled to learn that those stupid bus tours are insanely expensive. The cheapest tour is $39. Man, those tourists are getting ripped off. I can look out the window and see the Empire State Building while riding the MTA bus for $2. There is also a Sex and the City bus tour, again $40, where according to the website you can “follow in the footsteps of Carrie & Co. as they conquer New York City! Drink where they drink, shop where they shop, and gossip where they gossip.” And why is any of this worth 40 bills?...

I think for Adventure Initiative’08 Katie and I should start our own tour. It will be called the I f*$%ing hate him tour. On this long, yet very liberating walking tour, we shall visit all of those places we frequented with ex-boyfriends and other assorted losers we hung out with. All the places we probably loved, however still to this day cannot stomach the thought of, and may walk avenues out of our way to avoid, because of the bad JuJu. And when we arrive at each place, we will say... “this is Banc Café, I went here for brunch with Tom (names have been changed to protect the overwhelmingly moronic), I f*$%ing hate him.” You are all invited to submit your locations and book your tour with us today. Even if we charged you half of what the bus tours charge, it’d still be less money than an hour of therapy and SO much more freeing...