Full Metal Jacket

A couple weeks ago, a co-worker and I were discussing the rise in autism rates and what we thought may be responsible for the spike in diagnoses in recent years. Is it environmental? Causal? Simply due to the medical community being able to recognize the symptoms and categorize it more easily? You are definitely wondering where this is going and why I am being all quasi-intellectual all of a sudden, but during the course of our debate, she brought up that someone she knows has a similar theory on breast cancer rates. If you think about it, were there as many breast cancer cases back in the 40’s or 50’s? Doesn’t it seem like it is much more prevalent now? The theory is, since more women have joined the workforce (yay feminist movement!), all we do is sit in front of computers all day long. And what just happens to be at about the same level as the monitor? The ta-ta’s...

Now, I’m sure computer monitor technology has come a long way recently and I’d hope microwave rays aren’t zapping my rack all day long, but hearing this theory gave me a second of pause. Very interesting indeed. I sit in front of a computer all day long, so should I wear to work everyday one of those lead vests that the dentist puts on me when I get x-rays? Where can I even get one of those puppies? Excuse me, Dr. Patel (and yes, my dentist’s name is Dr. Patel, and interestingly enough, so was the dentist I went to before him who’s practice he took over... Hey at least he didn’t have to get new signs made) where can I purchase a lead vest like the one you have here? Do you have any extras I could maybe, borrow? Or I could start my own line of lead bras. Our slogan could be “they may be heavy as hell, but at least the ladies are protected well.” Imagine how much fun it’d be trying to hook up wearing a lead bra. It’s all fun and games til someone gets a black eye...