Posting from the RTW archives

I have a secret to tell you. My encounter with Cameron yesterday is not the first time I've met a soap star. It's only the first time I've done it and stood there like a dumbfounded fewl. I actually met a few of them back in 2004, but as with yesterday... it didn't turn out exactly the way I had hoped.

Volume CLXXXI - Daytime Drama

I think I should be on a soap opera. Allow me to tell you why. I am overly dramatic, can cry on cue and my life is basically a soap opera already so it wouldn’t really be that much of a stretch (oh and I think I’d make a good villain, especially with my uncanny ability to raise one of my eyebrows at a time… now that would be fine drama). They get paid well, get to be on television, get their hair and makeup done everyday, and the basic job description is to hook up with beautiful guys (unless your character is supposed to be a lesbian, talk about a missed opportunity…), oh and I forgot act. I suppose I can pull off this acting thing, how hard can it actually be right? (except for the fact that in high school I had 3 speaking lines in the play “South Pacific” and every time we’d get to my part the director would yell cut and make me do it over, then I would literally shit a brick when my part was coming praying she would just let it go, I think I’m scarred for life… I’m not kidding). Added to those perks would be me getting a cool snooty soap opera name like Sydney Davenport, getting to say things like “there was something in your eyes when we first glanced at each other in the boathouse that night… (dramatic pause for effect), I know you felt it too Victor… you must tell Sloane that you love me, before she has that baby”, and of course not being able to even go to the supermarket without rabid fans screaming that I am a stupid slut and they hate me because I am taking Victor away from Sloane and she is with child (which isn’t exactly a perk, but it would be funny to see how many people are having serious trouble separating soap land from reality…)
I try very hard not to be one of those people, but after watching the same soap everyday for 8 years, it’s quite hard not to fall into that trap. I had to face this challenge a few weeks ago when my friend Mara invited me to go to a party at her friend Liz’s apartment who just happens to be on All My Children (I thought I might need an inhaler for the first time in my life… and I don’t have asthma). What if I’m a star struck idiot? What if I can’t speak? What if I say something really stupid? (like… I carried a watermelon…) What if I just pass out? What if Rebecca is there?? (Rebecca Budig, the woman I want to be and there is not a doubt in my mind I would be a lesbian for in a heartbeat…) What am I going to do!? I know that I must adhere to what I have decided are the two rules of meeting soap stars… 1) do NOT call them by their characters names (that is so ignorant and embarrassing), and 2) do NOT under any circumstance talk to them like they really are their characters… as long as I can handle those two things, I should be fine. So we get to Liz’s, I’m introduced and she says she thinks we’ve met before, I look familiar (I look familiar??? Me? I watch you everyday on tv and I somehow forgot that I’ve met you before… do I have early onset Alzheimers? Or are you just being overly nice?) We’re all chatting, me, Mara, Liz and a makeup artist who works on the show (talking about anything BUT All My Children because apparently that would be tacky, who knew) while I wait for everyone else to show up. But time is passing, Mara has somewhere to be, I can’t stay there alone and none of them have shown up yet. This is a huge emergency! I only got to meet one more actress on the way out, and just like that, there went my dreams of hooking up with a soap star… right down the old drainy drain…

RTW © 2004