Please stop the music

Holy hell. What has happened to this good and loving world?? Ali Lohan has a single. It’s on iTunes. When you stop laughing and/or crying, we can discuss this very important matter. Ali, little sister to Lindsay, you may not know her because as of now she hasn’t posed for any magazine covers not wearing clothes. Oh wait, my mistake you may know her. Ali, of that stupid Living Lohan show on E!, that lord please tell me you have no idea what I’m talking about. Please. I have just one question about this... the singing (I have many, many questions about the reality show). Why, WHY do they continue to give record contracts to these no talent noise makers? I’m sorry to have to inform you of this, but not everyone can sing. Nor should they... For the rest of our sakes. Paris Hilton should have been our first clue about this and Heidi Montag should have forced the complete destruction of all sensible people’s ear drums and maybe the entire human race.

It’s a sad fact that apparently the music industry hasn’t figured this out quite yet. Singing actually takes talent... And it’s hard work. I have a damn degree in it, for crying out loud! I know everyone used to snicker in college when I made the Dean’s List, thinking how easy it must have been to sing for your grades. It was not easy! Do you think Ali Lohan can sing intervals? Read music? Play piano? Has perfect pitch? Knows where her diaphragm is, or what it is, or that she even has one for that matter? Owns a tuning fork? Okay fine, maybe I don’t really do any of those things either... Although my tuning fork has got to be around somewhere either being used as a real fork or a fat pincher...