Posting from the RTW archives

My credit card bill for last month came yesterday. Let's just say it wasn't pretty. Everyone at work wondered how it was possible for me to come in everyday wearing a new dress... well, there's your answer. Based on this, I have encountered a very important decision. I either need to stop shopping, or stop eating. Let the hunger strike begin! And here's why (although at least my office has moved since then)...



Volume CCXXI - Buyer Beware

My office could not be in a worse location. I basically work in a mall. Every store you can think of is within a 5 block radius. The shopping gods just sit around all day dangling carrots in front of me and laughing hysterically, more like cackling, at how pathetic I am. But if I've told you once, I've told you a million times... when shopping is in your blood, i.e. when you're a female, there is no way to flush it out. I read the other day in Cosmo, and no I don't read it often, about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and how he basically emotionally cheated on Jen Aniston. Even if he didn't physically commit any kind of adultery, he at least thought about it and therefore he screwed up. Wow. If the same philosophy applies to shopping, then I'm in big trouble. Instead of adultery, I'll call it "shoppery". Making numerous purchases over a prolonged period of time, or in other words being a chronic shopper-er would be equal to having a passionate long lasting affair. However purchases here and there are more like interspersed one night stands... still wrong, but not like a full out affair. Trying something on but not making an actual purchase is equivalent to going home with someone, realizing your mistake and leaving before you consummate it. Going into a store, touching things and checking price tags is on par with excessive overt groping and flirting. And the least offensive forms of "shoppery" are window shopping or shopping off of strangers attire. This is basically emotional "shoppery"... not wrong per say, but probably not a good idea if you are weak or a prior shopper-er with mutliple "shoppery" infractions...
They say men are genetically programmed to cheat, well then women are genetically programmed to shop. I'd say on average I commit emotional "shoppery" 15-20 times a day. I don't care if you're broke, walking down the street, watching tv, or at a funeral, when you're a shopper-er, you're a shopper-er all the way from your first cigarette til your last dying day. Don't you hate when I just break into song for no reason? Your mind is always seeing things you like and therefore committing "shoppery". Even when it's for nobody in particular. Case in point: everyday I walk past Banana Republic Men on my way to work. I am not a man, yet for some reason I still find myself committing window "shoppery". Why can't I seem to control myself even around men's clothes? They had one brown button down and one maroon button down in the window that I was totally crushing on. Every time I walked past them, I couldn't help thinking how hot they looked. Is that normal!? At least that is relatively harmless though since I have no reason to be tempted to take it any further. It's way worse when it's a women's clothing store. Last week in the window of Esprit was this drool inducing, to die for white eyelet blazer. I saw it everyday. I know the way it was looking at me. It was laying it on thick. But I kept it in check and the first few times I only committed window "shoppery". Until one day I could no longer stand it. I went inside and felt it up. The second I touched the price tag I knew it was a mistake. It would be way too costly to take it any further. I'm sorry baby, but I love my bank account way too much and the statement is one unforgiving SOB... I need to curb my shopper-er ways...

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