The day every girl dreams of

Congratulations are in order! I married the photocopy machine the other day! I'm sorry you guys couldn't be there to share in our happy day... but it was beautiful. I would have cried, but then the ink might have run. We are registered at Staples and Office Depot and hope to have many little toner and ink babies running around ASAP!

I might try to divorce him next week though and get a part time job at kinko's instead. I don't like to be tied down to only one copier...

Sing, sing a song

2 art directors having a conversation about one of our Power Point presentation decks. I walk by.

Cute Art Director in my office: hey jessica, do you know how to adjust style formats in power point?
Me: (stifling laughter) Say wha? Excuse me?
Cute Art Director in my office: I figured people with a liberal arts degree and a business background would have some higher level experience with the program
Me: uhhh... I have a music degree... I could sing you a song?

The boys of summer

A friend of mine sent me this article which was in the NY Times about a Staten Island girl and her dating life. I have excerpted my favorite part for your enjoyment.

"'A guy from the Bronx isn't going to come all the way out here," she said, "so it's all people you grew up with or Jersey Shore boys, and I'm not into doot-a-doots."

Doot-a-doots?

She gestured toward the dance floor, where a couple of guys with
spray-on tans pummeled the air to the beat of Snoop Dogg's "Drop It
Like It's Hot."

"You know, a Tony, a Joey," Ms. Shammas explained. "Carries the
invisible suitcases and waxes his body hair." Or as she once wrote in a
blog, "A five o'clock shadow is nice on your face, but not on your
arms."


Carries the invisible suitcases!!! The mental image of that caused me to laugh in my apartment alone for 15 minutes. Bullseye! 10 for excellence in descriptive accuracy! LOVE IT. Still not sure what a doot-a-doot means though... is that referring to the way they walk??

A letter to anonymous

Dear Anonymous poster,

I'm sorry that you feel the need to take out your anger on my poor defenseless blog. Since you clearly have all of this free time to check it and realize that it now is "not as funny"... why don't you start your own blog? I would absolutely LOVE to see how funny you are. Especially considering you couldn't even post your criticism under your name. I actually have a real job now, not a lame boring fake one. This computer is literally a fossil that could have been dug up on an archeological exploratory dig. I can't put up pictures or even use color. Everyone talks all day here, loudly, annoyingly. The second I would sit down to even breathe in some air, someone else is calling my name or my phone is ringing. I hate to say it, but I don't have time for you anymore. I don't even have time for me anymore. Be thankful you're still getting RTW every monday. Sorry you're upset, I really don't have the time to care though.

this post took 5 minutes and I have another meeting in 30 secs and my boss just asked me 15,005 questions.

next time leave your name, that way I can address you personally.

have a nice day.

Cake Monster

apparently I no longer have the use of color fonts either... grrr Mac.

Sari: I have a cupcake
Sari: :-)
Jess: WHATTTTTTTT
Sari: LOL!
Sari: it has pink frosting
Sari: I am just eating the frosting
Jess: NOOOOOOOOOO i am drooling
Jess: I WANT CAKE
Jess: my eyes got really wide when you said that
Jess: lol
Sari: hahha
Sari: I knew you would appreciate it
Jess: appreciate it? i want to get in a cab and steal it
Sari: LOL!!!!!!!!!!1
Sari: love you
Jess: now how am i supposed to concentrate! damn you!

Jammed

Looky what I caught! HAHA only kidding! My friend just happened to email me these pictures the same day Fival my office mouse and I bonded. I bet you this is one of Fival's cousins... poor guy. How the hell did he get into the printer!? Maybe he wanted to get some ink done? Laser hair removal? Silly mouse.

Rough Draft of the Work Moon-o-meter

I am trying to put together a 3 hole punch. Someone keeps stealing the industrial hole punch from the room where it lives. So I decided screw it, I'll just steal myself another one from the supply cabinet. But this is way too much work. Who knew I'd actually have to assemble it. Shouldn't it already be ready for use? The 3 hole punch came with like 8 punchy things all screwed in. Obviously I can't have that. Hence 3 hole punch, not 8. So I had to unscrew them all and remove 5... but I don't have a screw driver. Instead I improvised and had to use my scissors. Then once I had removed the stray extra 5, I had to rearrange the 3 so they were in the right spot and then proceed to screw them back in. Dumbest thing EVER. That literally took me a half an hour. I feel like I'm on Extreme Hole Punch makeover.