The Daily Bailey

There are tons of new things for me to do at the new palace, Palace 2.0. It’s so spacious! Not nearly as spacious as The Resort, they have stairs and tons of doors there... But Palace 2.0 is definitely an upgrade from that first dump I was forced to live in. There are cabinets here! Cabinets above that I can climb ON TOP of and explore the ceiling. Cabinets below that I can easily pry open with my paws and dutifully explore. Cabinets that are not big enough to contain that big black can where all the leftover food and my dirty plates go... So I’ve knocked it over a couple times to scavenge around. We also now have a really big screen thing that SHE keeps going on and on about “HD” something or other and I keep getting screeched at to keep my paws off. “No paws on the screen”... Fine shrew, I’ll just wait until you leave...

Lest we forget that I run this new palace, it might be a different space, but the same rules apply... she’s only here to pay the bills, provide food, and cater to my every whim. If I want to touch your big screen, then I will. If I want to lick your boyfriend’s arm fur, then I will. If I want to knock over your garbage can, then I will. If I want to claw the heck out of your leather chair (that I see you brought from the other palace for my enjoyment) then I will. I’ve been your captive for a year now, why isn’t this getting through your thick human skull? By the way, I’ve noticed that you’re coming home a lot more now in the middle of the day thinking that you’re being all sweet to come check on me. You are interrupting my nap time, and every time I see you I think it’s dinner time, therefore throwing off my whole schedule. Please stop “checking on me,” I’m touching your screen and knocking over your shit... There, I told you, no need to come see for yourself...

The Daily Bailey

Apparently I did something wrong… and then I did something really right! I was cruising along, lounging around, day in, day out, being me… when all of a sudden I was shipped off to the Resort for 12 days. Look, I’m not complaining, that place is an all-inclusive heaven: I have my own room, belly massages, manicures and other assorted grooming, 2 meals a day, unlimited water package, a track for my relay races, wait staff… however, whatever SHE was doing while I was banished, she could easily do with me around.

This is BS. You can’t just get rid of me whenever you want! You adopted me… I’m an equal decision maker in this relationship! In fact, in matters that have to do with my own travels, you should really defer to my opinion. Upon my return, I see we’ve upgraded to a new palace. I, of course, again was not consulted about this, but after careful review of every nook and cranny, I give it two paws up. Except for the weird man who comes in to fiddle around with things in the apartment. I’m not allowed to talk to strangers… not that it matters, I can’t understand a word he says. I don’t think he’s from around here. I could get used to this place...